Shydaijah

"Everybody in this school loves me for real."

By Students of NYC

December 29^th, 2023

"After my grandmother passed, that hurt a lot. It was so hard for me. She was everything to me. For two months, I think, I barely left my house. It gave me a lot of anger, and I think that was a big reason I had trouble in school. I still think about her all the time, but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. My mom took it worse. She isn’t able to move around much, so all she could do was sit and think about how much she missed her. Her health began to decline. Now, I’m my mother’s caretaker. It can be a lot. I get home from school, and I’m tired. I have about an hour to rest, and then I go straight to caring for her until the next day. I will never stop doing that, though, because I love my mom and I refuse to put her in a nursing home. I have seen videos of things that can happen there, and I can’t have that. If somebody were to do that to my mom, there’s no telling what the Lord would push me to do. I don’t want her to have to worry about an outsider, either. I feel like it’s my place to make sure my mom is good. Sometimes, it’s hard for me, because I go through a lot of stuff myself. But I feel like my mom will always come first, because I don’t know. There will be a time when she’s not going to be here anymore.

I used to skip class a lot, be in the hallway. I wasn't intentionally trying to do it, but it became an everyday routine for me. The more I skipped, the less I understood when I was in class. I would be lost. And then the hallway felt like a getaway, a place I could be comfortable.

I remember the turning point. I was at home in my room. Sometimes, I turn on my phone and I videotape myself and talk to myself. I don’t talk to the mirror, like some people. I record it so I can look back at it again and remember. I put details and details about what I think about myself and what I need to do to reach where I want to be in life. So that day, I realized I was tired of hanging out in the halls. I was tired of hanging out with who I was hanging out with and I wanted to do better for myself. I was just promising myself I wasn’t going to do this anymore. That I was going to just make sure I get my work done and do what I got to do. Somehow, after that, I was able to change my behavior. Now, as a senior, they made me a student leader. I do circles every Friday for a group of freshman. When I first got to the class, I asked the teacher, 'Are you sure you put me in the right class? Are you sure you want ME as a leader?' And she said, 'Yes, you are a leader.' As soon as we started talking, I realized how much I liked it. The kids were so welcoming. We all connected. They listened to me and learned from me, and I learned from them. Once, a girl came to me and told me she was getting bullied. It’s hard for kids to talk to teachers sometimes because teachers are like the same age as their mothers, and not everyone can talk to their mothers. But coming from us, they're going to be like, all right, they've been through this. So she told me about it, and with my help, we were able to go to the adults. I don’t know how the situation resolved but I know it resolved. I kept reminding her, you’re not by yourself, don't worry about this bullying, just go about your day. I know it meant it a lot. To this day, that girl talks to me in the hallway every time she sees me.

I know I’m overage. And there were a lot of times where I considered giving up. I used to wonder, what’s the point of me coming? But I've really got a lot of people who are willing to help me. Everybody in this school loves me for real. If you go around, ask everybody, they’re going to tell you. They’ll say they love Shydaijah — you’ll feel the real love. And I won’t call it favoritism, because I don’t know how they treat other kids. But me, personally, I know how they treat me. They treat me with love.

I’m different from everybody else. I’m my own person. I could have been like those other kids and say, oh, I’m too old. I don’t want to be in school anymore. But no. I’m just going to keep going because not only do I have big dreams for me, but I also want to make my mom proud. I’m going to be her first child to graduate high school. I want that real bad. I want my mom to be able to see her child physically walk across that stage with a diploma. I feel like I have big opportunities, and I can’t let my mom down. And all the people who are rooting for me, I can’t let them down either. It feels like a big responsibility, and I’m going to do it. Not just for them, but also for me."