Julietta

"My speech disfluency is a superpower."

By Students of NYC

December 1^st, 2023

"This one kid had been making fun of me for a while, for two reasons: one, because my parents immigrated here from Mexico, and two, because I have a speech disfluency. I know people said stuff like this about me before, but it was all behind my back, so it didn’t hurt as much. But this time was different, he said it right to my face. I told him to stop making fun of me and my culture. I got nervous, and I started to stutter. So he started mocking me. I felt like crying, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want him to see my weak side. My mom has always told me that it’s okay to cry, but if you cry about what someone says, they’ll just do it to you more. So stay strong and keep talking back until they stop, or ignore them. Because eventually they will get tired of being mean.

I discovered my disfluency in 1st grade. I got called on to speak out during a speak-out test, and I got so nervous I started stuttering. When I went home to tell my mom, I kept having disfluencies too. She got me a speech therapist right away, and I met with her two times a week. I started to learn strategies to help me. My first teacher bought me a metronome, so I could try to speak my syllables on each beat. I can’t bring a metronome everywhere, so I would tap my finger to mimic the beat. I also learned the easy onset strategy — at the beginning of a word that you feel like will get stuck, you stretch it out, let it flow by. I picture the word like a wave crashing into the shore.

By the time I got to 4th grade I was so much better. I remember the first time I came home and just started talking to my mom nonstop. She got the biggest smile. It was like our roles had switched places — before I had all of my strategies, I’d respond with a yes or a no. But that day, I kept babbling on, talking and talking, and she was speechless.

In fifth grade, the speech therapist had to leave the school, and I couldn’t have therapy for that whole year. Since I couldn’t practice my strategies, my disfluency got worse and worse. That was the same year I had to practice for my first communion. They assigned me a section from the Bible. I would stand on the bed with my mom as the audience and practice by reading it over and over and over. We practiced so much that I had memorized the whole thing by heart. I knew I was ready. But at our rehearsal, when I went up for my part, I stuttered too much so they gave my spot away. On the day of the communion, everyone else got to stand up and recite their part; I just had to stand there. It really hurt me. My aunt helped me feel better. She told me some people don't have patience for kids like me, because they think their time is so important. Like they don't have a few extra minutes in their day. I know I could have finished it. I have accomplished so much, even with my speech disfluency. I was vice president of the student council. I’m on the swim team. I was the salutatorian in fifth grade. I won the spelling bee every single year since kindergarten. My disfluency actually helped me with that, because it forced me to take time to make sure I said the letters correctly. Professor Peterson has told me that speech disfluency is a superpower. Sometimes, I think it helps me to be a better person. People can say things without thinking about them. I have more time to make sure of what I’m saying, and that I’m reacting in a way that is kind.

Now that I’m in 6th grade, I’m glad to have my services back. Professor Peterson is helping me again, and I am improving. Today, we were reading the Students of NYC story about the girl who had lost her father. Professor Peterson had me practice the easy onset with this ball that expands and grows when you pull it, and then goes back. At first, I couldn’t stop playing with it, but then she told me, Julietta, only use it for your sounds. So at the beginning of every sentence, I stretched out the ball as I stretched the sound, and it really, really helped. I know I won’t ever let my speech disfluency stop me from doing what I want to do. I have good company, too. A lot of people struggle with speech: President Joe Biden, even Moses stuttered, I think. Amanda Gorman, the girl who read at the inauguration — she had a speech problem, too. But she was chosen anyway. And when she read that poem, she sounded so beautiful. It made me believe that I could do it too.

I am so proud of my culture. I was born here, but my father comes from Puebla and my mother came from Morelos. They met at a Halloween party, and the rest was history. People like that boy may make fun of my culture, but we are hardworking people. We don’t ever give up. No matter how many times we fall, we won't accept failure. We keep trying and trying until we succeed. I’m on a Mexican dance team. I came once to a practice with my Aunt Lorena, and seeing the way they danced so freely, with smiles on their face, I knew I wanted to feel that too. So I started to practice with them, and the teacher told me I have to join. Now, the teacher has told me that I’m one of the best. The dresses are beautiful; one of the dresses I wore had like 20 layers of cloth. It’s kind of heavy, but when I put it on and move my arms in waves, it looks so pretty. We practice at Living Hope church on 104th Street. I go every Wednesday and Thursday after book club and crochet. When I'm there, I can dance freely, without anyone criticizing or making fun of me, and it makes me feel alive."