Erikah

"Everybody wants something for me. But I’m the one who has to live with the decision."

By Students of NYC

March 27^th, 2026

“It's not that I don't want to talk to people. It's just that my anxiety—my body won't let me speak the way I want to. My body gets really tense and I start to fidget a lot, and then that makes me not able to speak properly. I get hot really quickly too. I think it starts with my heart beating really fast, and once my heart is racing, that's how I know it's getting bad. I'd say I’ve gotten better over the years, though. A lot of that is because of her.

When I came here in tenth grade, I didn’t know anybody. I would hang out in her classroom during lunch with a couple other kids. From there, we just got really close. She became my safe person. My safe space. Over the two years I’ve been here, I got comfortable with her. I’m in her office every day. Every period. She probably hates to see me coming, but I don’t care. I’m going to come regardless. In my eyes, she’s not an average teacher. She’s very understanding. She really takes it in her own hands to care for a kid. Not even just me. She understands very well when it comes to my problems. Every time something comes out of my mouth, she knows. She knows how to fix it. Especially in this environment, you don’t see that all that often. She’s together. She’s not playing with nobody. She knows what she wants, and she’s going to get it. That’s the mentality I try to have too. I’m trying.

Now I’m about to graduate, and everything feels up in the air. I thought for a while I wanted to be a therapist. Then I wanted to be a nurse. I got accepted to colleges for nursing, but I don’t know. I applied to HBCUs too, and that’s really where I want to go. I want that experience. Of course, my mom is concerned about me going far away, and I understand that. Still, I want to go. That’s the hard part right now. Everybody has an opinion. My mom has an opinion. My best friend has an opinion. Everybody wants something for me. I know they want the best for me. But I’m the one who has to live with the decision.

I think that’s what being eighteen feels like. You don’t totally know what you want yet. You just know you want your life to start. It sounds crazy, but everyone says: wait until you’re older and see how hard it is. But I’m ready. I’m excited. I want to see what it’s like to take care of myself. To pay bills. To be an adult. To be tested and challenged. I know I’m anxious. I know I get in my head. But I also know I want more for myself. I want to see what happens if I go. I want to figure out who I am when I’m not scared all the time. I think that’s what I’m trying to do now. Just become more comfortable being me.