Danylo

"I chose to be a person here. To try to be a person who could be great."

By Students of NYC

May 15^th, 2023

“Wednesday night was a regular night. I had just finished preparing for my chemistry test. And like, nothing could happen it felt like. Then at 5 a.m., I woke up because of my phone ringing. The vibration. It was my friend telling me that the war had started. I didn’t believe it at first. I opened my window and heard a huge explosion. That’s when I realized, it’s not a dream. This is happening. I still have the picture of when I opened that window. I can’t forget it. I had — how do you say it — on the whole body. The goosebumps.

We had had conversations before, but no one could imagine this would really happen. We would make jokes. I used to tell my parents — calm down. It’s the 21st century. It was the first day and everyone — we thought, it’s gonna finish very soon. Like they’re going to fix it, or they’re gonna reach the agreement — with words, like normal people. Because we’re intelligent people. We can make agreements with each other and all that war, it’s not the solution. It’s the 21st century. That’s ridiculous.

We drove seven hours. We were close to past curfew when we finally got to our friends close to the border, so we stayed one night. And in the morning we crossed. We had to say goodbye to our father. The men aren’t allowed to leave. So it was me, my sister and my mother. I also have a cat. His name is Sam. He drove with us the whole way, but he didn’t have his documents, so we had to leave him too. He is the best. He is such a fat, happy cat. I miss him so much. Every day, the first thing I do when I walk in from school is I call my grandmother and make her show me Sam.

Honestly, I never told anyone the whole story, just in little pieces. I try to answer questions and keep going. Next topic, you know? It is too emotional. It’s like some button inside that you press and it hurts a lot, because I lost a lot. My future was set.

In Ukraine, we graduate as juniors. I was already accepted to college. I had a whole group of friends. We still talk, but we are all in different countries. We don’t see each other anymore. It’s hard to look at pictures and you remember all these good moments you had. I can't even imagine how it feels for people who have lost even more. You have a husband, you have a wife, kids, and you just lose them. I can’t even find the words for that.

I didn’t lose relatives, but I lost someone too. He was my drama teacher, an incredible artist, and he joined the force of Ukraine. He was just a guy, 30 years old, and he could have a great rest of his life, following his dreams.

And because of one guy whose name I don't even want to say, he just lost everything that he had.

It was a month before I went to school. My first class was robotics. I just kept thinking, why am I here? I am just waiting to go back home, back to my life. At first, I didn’t even try. Every lunch period, I was sitting alone in the corner eating my food because everyone was getting me mad. Like, they're having fun. I couldn't afford to have fun. They’re laughing. I can’t afford to laugh. My fear was that people wouldn’t want to be friends because I don’t speak English fluently. They’re gonna struggle with me, to talk to me. I was separate from others. I just attended classes. I kept telling my parents — we have to go back. I didn’t have my people here. School, home, school home.

I don’t know when it was. But one day I realized, there’s nothing I can do right now. I can’t end the war. I decided to actually do something. To actually study.

It was a very hard transition — to change my focus from trying to escape here and get out of here, to staying here and taking whatever I could to be a person, to build my life.

In Ukraine, I was going to study economics. Acting and directing was my hobby. But now, here, I changed my goals. I realized, you know what? I’m an artist. I'm a creative person. I like to record everything with my camera. It’s this way of communicating with people, how you show them your world. Through recording video, you show people your thoughts, your emotions. I applied to film school. I even got into Pratt. They gave me money, but it’s not enough. I will go somewhere else, and I will try to transfer. And sometimes, when I think about my passion for film, I realize that New York is the place where all of this happens, all the films are set, and the directors live. Maybe, this is like…a chance that life has given.

Oh, one more thing. Very important. You know, in my school now? I'm doing morning announcements. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 9 a.m. The whole school can hear my voice — I try to say everything clear, because sometimes with my accent, maybe some words are hard to understand. But after, I always ask everyone, how was it? How’d I do?”