Ariana

"I look in the mirror and I see a girl that’s going to change the world."

By Students of NYC

October 13^th, 2023

"I suffer from myotonic dystrophy. Me and my brother got diagnosed at the same time. It's hereditary; it gets passed down. It’s a neuromuscular condition that means that my muscles are very weak. I have bad fatigue; I'm in pain all the time. I get a little poke in my arm, a little squeeze, and hurts. It's horrible, especially with all the things I want to do, but I can't let it stop me. At the end of the day, there's no cure. They can't just give me a magical pill that's going to fix everything. So am I going to wait around for what they can't do? I can do anything I want. I might fall and get really, really hurt while someone else might fall and they might just get a little scratch. But is that going to stop me from doing what I love? No, you're crazy. I like being on stage and acting and I'm going to act. If I need to throw myself on the floor to fake dying, I'll do it. I'll get a bruise on my arm. I don't care. I love it. Adrenaline. That's what keeps me going. My will to live. And I look in the mirror, and I see a girl that’s going to change the world.

I found my love for acting in fifth grade. I went to school on City island, and every year we did a musical. In fifth grade, I got to be the lead. The play was called Space Pirates; and it was basically just about pirates in space. I played Gabby. She was the nerdy girl that no one likes, but then at the end, everyone likes her. Very cliché, but just doing that and getting to sing and act and be on stage and see people clap and enjoy what you do, it was like, wow, I love this.

I think the pandemic really changed us all. I spent 7th grade online. It was such a shift in reality that almost didn't feel real. It felt like it would never end. My middle school teachers worked so hard to support me, and even through the pandemic I felt like they knew who I was and helped me in my journey to find myself. I was one of the few people of color in my middle school, too, and I sometimes felt different. I found Fordham HS for the Arts and knew I wanted to be here. To get into the school, you have to audition for it. And so I did my audition process, two monologues. The day that I found out I got in, I was refreshing my page over and over and over again trying to see. When I saw I was accepted, I screamed with joy. I was like, oh my God, yes. I'm so happy. Now, I see people who look like me. I see Dominican people, I see black people, I see my people. And that's so refreshing. It's like, oh my God, you're like me. We grew up alike. Everyone who is here wants to be here, had to audition to be here, has a passion for performance, just like me. Community. That's what it is. Finding people like you, finding people that like you. I've come a long way since the pandemic. Now, I look forward to school on the weekends. I'm like, oh, I have school tomorrow. I get to see my favorite teachers, my best friends ... and it's like, I am just happy. I might wake up in a horrible mood, but I step into the school, and I see my family. The teachers here feel like your family too. They're so sweet. They care about your mental health — they care about you.

People call the Bronx, like, ‘ghetto’ or ‘dirty,’ but I grew up in this community. And so many beautiful things have come from the Bronx. I feel such a connection to it. Like, this is my home. This is where I live, and it’s where my heart is. Where I live is beautiful. My home is beautiful. It’s where my soul is, where my body is. And if I’ve grown up being the way that I am, feeling the way that I am in this community, then why is it being called all these things that it’s not? Because if beautiful people come from a place like this, how can you call it ghetto? I come out of school, I'm with my friends, I'm laughing, smiling, that's beautiful. Sometimes, I'll go to Starbucks or something, sit down and just observe. Seeing people with their friends, seeing people laughing, talking, smiling in the moment. That is community. Growing up in Soundview, I get to see people that are different — that are like me, that are not like me. I get to see different faces and different ways that people live. I’m always thinking; okay, I live like this, but that person lives like this. How might that affect how they think, how they live, how they act, how they feel? When I see people struggling, it hurts my heart because I feel like nobody in this world should have to go through a moment where they have to beg to borderline survive. I’ll offer any money if I have, or just, a God bless you. I know I’m lucky. I have a roof over my head, food and clothes on my back. And it hurts to know that some people don't even have that.

My mom, she's my superhero. She's my star. All of our doctor's appointments — American health care is expensive. And so her being a single mom, working multiple jobs to make ends meet, to provide for her babies, to gather all that money, to make sure that we're living the best life that we can. I have all these experiences, all these moments, all these things in my life. I am so grateful and so blessed to be like this because of my mom. Everything in my life is possible because of her, because she worked hard to bring me and my brother the life that we deserve as she didn't have. Even if that meant growing up without a father figure, she made sure that she was that father figure for us. She's the backbone of our house. She's the backbone of my life.

I write poetry to express myself. The words, they are my own and no one else's. They are a reflection of who I am, how I think — of all my thoughts, what I observe. I want to prove that the youth of this generation is more than how we're viewed. I want to show that I'm more than what you think I am. Most of us are. I remember one time, my mom and I were driving around Kingsbridge. I was just looking out the window at the buildings and the architecture. I kept thinking, human beings build these things. It’s like, humans are so much more complex than we give them credit for. There are so many stereotypes and just so much disgust in the world, but it's like you take that moment, you just look and realize, human beings are truly astonishing. They're so amazing. This building was built by a human. It took time. It took love. It's beautiful.